It’s hard to know where to start when you have so many layers of memories and experiences with someone who just passed. How do I choose the right anecdotes that capture her amazing being. The first thing that comes to my mind about Elspeth besides the fact that she was the very mother who raised a fine man to be my husband and wonderful father to our children(for which i am forever grateful to her) is that she is a lady who has “grace”. “Grace” is something that is hard to define. It’s such an abstract notion that one would still not be sure of its meaning even after turning the page on Oxford Dictionary. One would have, however, learned what “grace” does when it’s in action, if you have known Elspeth. I believe that her actions were the manifestations of the ever so elusive concept of “grace”. Her gracious manners are not only the sign of good upbringing but also her thoughtfulness to people around her. Her manners never failed because their purpose was not to put herself above others but to put others before her, to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings, and to accommodate every different cultural and social backgrounds, variations in beliefs and characteristic traits. She would always start from trust. She never judged a book by its cover. She always found goodness in people. She was never jealous. She was generous in her time and act because her motivation came from her love for everything and everyone. She would always give benefit of the doubt even when her conscientious acts were not reciprocated with the same kind of thoughtfulness. She would never resort to anger, she would never raise her voice but chose to be silent in order to preserve peace not for herself but for other people including those who were absent. She was never superficial. She was authentic. That’s grace. I loved it that she always knew where I spent my thoughts and effort. She was always generous in her praise and words of gratitudes for the littlest things I did. Things that I cooked for her, lunches I packed for the children, the letters I wrote to her while apart, etc etc. While we were living in Asia, whenever john and I stopped over in London before a vacation to warmer places, she’d thank me for making London part of the itinerary saying she knew we didn’t have to do it so she appreciated it. She always gave me credit when she praised her grand children. She was a kind of person who noticed things that are not obvious,not advertised, even hidden. And she was not afraid to show her appreciation without reserve. She even spent some of her last words in appreciating everyone including the devoted carers and nurses whilst struggling for a breath. That’s grace. She welcomed me into her beautiful family a long time ago but she also welcomed me into the community she loved when we moved to London two and a half years ago. My children and I had never lived in UK till then, but because of her generous introduction, we quickly felt at home and part of the community. Her assurance and encouragement gave us the secure foundation for the new life here in East Finchley, and helped our children keep developing their identity throughout their transitional time. She often phoned me while we were in the rented house in Finchley Central, to ask if she could offer any help for us to settle into the new life. I often borrowed her washing machine or kitchen whilst enjoying listening to her family history. But when I had to leave, wether to pick up the children or even to play tennis she never showed her loneliness but praised me for being active and talented. She was always happy for me. That’s “grace”. In the last two years and a half, I learned so many people in the neighborhood loved her and shared fond memories of her with me. She often had good old friends visiting and calling which showed how she was loved by people in every path of her life. Her impeccable manners and attitudes never varied according to the situations or people even to strangers. That is grace. Her grace shone through every moment I spent with her the last 18 years. It did not change a bit even after she developed Parkinson’s. She showed me that how you are, how you truly are as a person, will never fade whatever happens. Your physical and mental being may go through different stages as you age or the disease debilitates you, but the person that you are will always be the same. How she was and will always be to me is a graceful, loving, and wise lady who has the genuine and pure heart of a little girl. I will always remember her smile that made her look like a little girl particularly when we came up with a fun plan. She loved to hear “yes, let’s do it!” We didn’t get to take a trip on a train like we wanted to (she said let’s look at the map and point to a destination and just go there without hesitation. She told me she’d pay for it and we’d have lots of fun. I know she’d forgive me for not being able to realize that plan in this lifetime. We saw the dream together and that was enough..,) I have a lot of memories and shared moments with her. Those memories and the values I learned from her would help me through our family life going forward, I’m sure of it. I just want to say I am truly forever grateful for the opportunity to have known Elspeth and be part of her family. May her spirit rest in peace but live within all of us vividly forever and ever Nobuko